On Living Your Dream (Deferred?)

Kit, over at DIYdiva, wrote the most inspiring post I have read in years here:  http://diydiva.net/2014/11/on-living-your-dream/

It's funny because the last update I wrote that I was finally living my dream of owning my own home (and actually living in it) and having a dog.  Very simple things, but the things that I have held at arm's length for more than a decade, for what?  Basically because I always thought I had to find a man first.  I thought I had to fix myself up first, find a man, keep a man, then build that dream with him. 

Well, it didn't happen like that.  First of all, it was impossible to really fix myself up - heal the broken parts of myself - while attached to someone else.  Inevitably I would put their wants and needs ahead of my own.  I wound up trying to fix them and abandoning myself in the process.  None of this is what I intended to write about, by the way, but it is, at least, the truth.  And now that I am finally putting myself first, pursuing my own dreams, following my own heart, now I am finally able to start healing.  And living.  And no longer having regrets.

I am taking care of my little brick house and taking care of my little golden doggie.  I feel more nurturing, loving and maternal than ever.  I feel more like myself than ever, less depleted and less quesion-y about my place in this world.

There was (and still is) also this intense pressure that exists for us to follow a certain path in life.  Anything deemed out of the ordinary is scary for others - it frightens them into thinking about their own life choices.  Kind of like when you are reminded of your relationship status at a wedding, your child-bearing status at a baby shower, your mortality at a funeral. 

Well, I have always said that getting married wasn't my goal in life, and it's still not.  If it happens because I am blindsided by a person I didn't expect?  That's one thing, but I am not going to do it based on a fear of missing out.... I just don't think it's that enticing of a thing.  I have been financially independent for almost half of my life, so that's not a factor.  I have never craved constant attention from a partner and tend to prefer my space.

As for kids.  This one is something I have started to wrestle with because only recently have I started feeling like I really want to have a child.  It's odd because I was never into it when I was with somebody, but now that I'm finally alone, for the first time I am tapping into some deep desire to raise a child.  Maybe because I am feeling maternal having a dog to take care of (I've always had cats in the past).

Sometimes I wonder about the what ifs.  But it's really a fool's game, a way to beat myself up. Something I'm trying to do less of.

Puppy Pics:

Happy Puppy

Serious Puppy



The Most Interesting Dog In The World

Favorite Pasttime

Senior Portraits

At the Dog Park

Such Happiness



Family Portrait

I like it when Stuff happens

So there were a number of projects that I undertook over the past 2 years in order to become a more well-rounded person. One of these things was attempting to cook and realizing that it is important to start trying in order to gain any amount of skill in this area.

This is about the time that I discovered my design flaw - I hate to try and possibly fail. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. And so I continue to do what I know and never try, therefore never fail.

I threw this all out the window, knowing full well that I was going to have to just get over myself and do it if I ever wanted to be any good at it.

And there were flops. And failures. Mostly because I set myself up to fail by trying to stick to a "normal" recipe. What I have discovered is that I excel when time and resources are limited and I have to hook up what I like to call a "MacGuyver Recipe".

Pinterest sparked a lot of ideas (all of those recipes I pinned, but did I ever successfully use one? well, sort of) but what really has gotten me going is my December grocery shopping ban. And a realization that I can rely on my palette to tell me what I want to eat. What goes with what. And how I want to use up every last thing I have stored in my tiny apartment's galley kitchen.

Spices and fresh herbs can hide a multitude of sins. So can a killer sauce or cheese.

When you have leftovers from a restaurant, crack an egg on it the next morning for a hearty breakfast. Works. Every. Time.

I used to be insanely nervous to share my culinary adventures with anybody. I'd cower in the corner and hope I'd disappear before their tastebuds told them the truth about my cooking. But each and every time, success after success built. Inroads in my mind mapped toward a sense of confidence about my flavor profile and what I was trying to create with this mish mash of random food items.

They oohed and ahhed in awe of my lemon thyme chicken and new potatoes.

They gobbled up my sweet potato falafels, tahini sauce (with lots of lemon and parsley), homemade hummus (with fresh deep purple basil), cucumber salad.

They are STILL talking about my crab soup.

I couldn't have predicted that.

I cannot stress how much homegrown herbs have elevated my cooking: thai basil, some deep purple basil, mint, thyme, sage, rosemary, cilantro and parsley. And don't ever forget green onions. They are the foundation and the sprinkling on top of all of my savory dishes. And yes, Pinterest, they do grow w/out soil in water, directly from the cuttings you were going to throw away. They last for months and you can extend a 99 cent grocery buy for 6 months+ that way.

I make a mean pico de gallo, guacamole, and a tangy vinaigrette. The former 2 of course are heavy on the herbs and lemon, but the vinaigrette to try: braggs apple cider vinegar, olive oil, fresh parsley and green onion, pepper and lemon. Maybe some citrus salt if you have it;)

My stir-fry sauce tastes equally delicious on spaghetti: Butter, garlic, brown sugar, shoyu, green onion.

My poor-man's spaghetti sauce will bring you to your knees for about a $1 per serving: butter, onion, crushed tomatoes.

So when it came time to whip up a lasagna with barely any lasagna ingredients - I got creative and crafty:

Me: Hm, I have all these lasagna noodles for when I was going to do a Pinterest recipe for this and that lasagna but never did.... and now all this talk about lasagna has me feeling like Garfield.

Also Me: What do we have in the fridge/pantry that we can use to make this mythical lasagna?

Me Again: Hm, all we have is whole wheat lasagna, poor-man's sauce, some pumpkin puree (made with stewed onions, lemon thyme, basil, ginger and garlic), some old-ass goat cheese I'm scared to look at but really should use or throw away, random walnuts.

Inspired Me: Layer, layer, layer. Wow. This isn't half bad. In fact, this is FREAKIN FANTASTIC!!!! I should write this down and actually repeat this it's so good!! It tasted exactly like something you would get at a local organic cafe or fancy restaurant.

Of course, I didn't write it down and of COURSE I didn't take a picture. But what I'm trying to express is that you don't need a recipe to churn out good-tasting food. You just need a can-do attitude and an idea of where you're going flavor-wise. Experimenting is not only fun, but it's essential to the process. Taste-test everything. That's how I knew that ginger and thyme were the perfect addition to the pumpkin puree. That's how I knew that the walnuts (toasted, for an increasingly dramatic gourmet flavor) would set it off entirely onto a new level. I just tried it and tried it until it worked. Experience is an amazing teacher.

happy heartbeats,
GG

In Other News

I'm the 41,315,736 richest person on earth! Discover how rich you are! >>

I've been reading a lot about growing up and going green (in particular on Greeen Sheeep) and this one site made me really stop and think. I guess I could be one of those APLS (Afflent People Living Sustainably), I just didn't feel like I was. It is always something at the back of my mind that I am procrastinating toward, "Oh when I get myself together, I will pay more attention to my environmental impact." Ugh. I don't seem to be getting myself together any time soon. So what to do for now? Just doing the best I can. Anyway, I cannot believe how rich I truly am in the grand scheme of things....

Rich enough to be able to afford this at the very least:



Direct Link to Video

Why didn't I know about this before? I guess it's like saving money (in a savings account), it doesn't matter when you start - AS LONG AS YOU START NOW!