On Living Your Dream (Deferred?)

Kit, over at DIYdiva, wrote the most inspiring post I have read in years here:  http://diydiva.net/2014/11/on-living-your-dream/

It's funny because the last update I wrote that I was finally living my dream of owning my own home (and actually living in it) and having a dog.  Very simple things, but the things that I have held at arm's length for more than a decade, for what?  Basically because I always thought I had to find a man first.  I thought I had to fix myself up first, find a man, keep a man, then build that dream with him. 

Well, it didn't happen like that.  First of all, it was impossible to really fix myself up - heal the broken parts of myself - while attached to someone else.  Inevitably I would put their wants and needs ahead of my own.  I wound up trying to fix them and abandoning myself in the process.  None of this is what I intended to write about, by the way, but it is, at least, the truth.  And now that I am finally putting myself first, pursuing my own dreams, following my own heart, now I am finally able to start healing.  And living.  And no longer having regrets.

I am taking care of my little brick house and taking care of my little golden doggie.  I feel more nurturing, loving and maternal than ever.  I feel more like myself than ever, less depleted and less quesion-y about my place in this world.

There was (and still is) also this intense pressure that exists for us to follow a certain path in life.  Anything deemed out of the ordinary is scary for others - it frightens them into thinking about their own life choices.  Kind of like when you are reminded of your relationship status at a wedding, your child-bearing status at a baby shower, your mortality at a funeral. 

Well, I have always said that getting married wasn't my goal in life, and it's still not.  If it happens because I am blindsided by a person I didn't expect?  That's one thing, but I am not going to do it based on a fear of missing out.... I just don't think it's that enticing of a thing.  I have been financially independent for almost half of my life, so that's not a factor.  I have never craved constant attention from a partner and tend to prefer my space.

As for kids.  This one is something I have started to wrestle with because only recently have I started feeling like I really want to have a child.  It's odd because I was never into it when I was with somebody, but now that I'm finally alone, for the first time I am tapping into some deep desire to raise a child.  Maybe because I am feeling maternal having a dog to take care of (I've always had cats in the past).

Sometimes I wonder about the what ifs.  But it's really a fool's game, a way to beat myself up. Something I'm trying to do less of.

Puppy Pics:

Happy Puppy

Serious Puppy



The Most Interesting Dog In The World

Favorite Pasttime

Senior Portraits

At the Dog Park

Such Happiness



Family Portrait

It's Official, I'm 2 Homes and a Dog now.... Finally living the dream

Update #?:

I got a dog.  A golden retriever - my dream dog.  Rescued at 7 years old.  Failed foster.  This little happy home is now complete.

I've been going through my old dog/home blogs and sadly some are now defunct :(  Really missing some of them and wishing I could get an update. 

Another one that I used to love was http://houseitemsandroomsilike.blogspot.com/ , I'm hoping by linking to it Kathleen will somehow see this and invite me to be a subscriber to her blog.  Kathleen, I'm not a crazy stalker, just a house/dog enthusiast and a terrible keeper-upper-of blogs.  I always loved your stories about your neighborhood and the slow improvements you made to your home.

I bought this little gem of a house that needs a lot of TLC.  I'm pretty much house poor right now though so most of my $ is going to things like new roof and insulation (womp womp).  I still like to look at things and gather inspiration though.  And dream about new floorplans and furniture layouts and turning the basement into something money-making (whether it's a yoga studio or a studio apartment, still up in the air).

Pics

Update

I bought a house.

Update

After downsizing to 2 homes and then 1 and then 2 again....  I am now back to 1 home.  The good-ole DC Coop.  I am currently looking for a new home w/lots of potential, but there's not a lot of inventory in my current price range (due to the aforementioned 3 homes, 2 homes, 1 home, waste of time and money but not really b/c of all of the invaluable life lessons learned).  Anyway, I am single and I do it all by myself.  Always have.  And I plan to update soon with pics!

One Last Look @ The Lakehouse

I like it when Stuff happens

So there were a number of projects that I undertook over the past 2 years in order to become a more well-rounded person. One of these things was attempting to cook and realizing that it is important to start trying in order to gain any amount of skill in this area.

This is about the time that I discovered my design flaw - I hate to try and possibly fail. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. And so I continue to do what I know and never try, therefore never fail.

I threw this all out the window, knowing full well that I was going to have to just get over myself and do it if I ever wanted to be any good at it.

And there were flops. And failures. Mostly because I set myself up to fail by trying to stick to a "normal" recipe. What I have discovered is that I excel when time and resources are limited and I have to hook up what I like to call a "MacGuyver Recipe".

Pinterest sparked a lot of ideas (all of those recipes I pinned, but did I ever successfully use one? well, sort of) but what really has gotten me going is my December grocery shopping ban. And a realization that I can rely on my palette to tell me what I want to eat. What goes with what. And how I want to use up every last thing I have stored in my tiny apartment's galley kitchen.

Spices and fresh herbs can hide a multitude of sins. So can a killer sauce or cheese.

When you have leftovers from a restaurant, crack an egg on it the next morning for a hearty breakfast. Works. Every. Time.

I used to be insanely nervous to share my culinary adventures with anybody. I'd cower in the corner and hope I'd disappear before their tastebuds told them the truth about my cooking. But each and every time, success after success built. Inroads in my mind mapped toward a sense of confidence about my flavor profile and what I was trying to create with this mish mash of random food items.

They oohed and ahhed in awe of my lemon thyme chicken and new potatoes.

They gobbled up my sweet potato falafels, tahini sauce (with lots of lemon and parsley), homemade hummus (with fresh deep purple basil), cucumber salad.

They are STILL talking about my crab soup.

I couldn't have predicted that.

I cannot stress how much homegrown herbs have elevated my cooking: thai basil, some deep purple basil, mint, thyme, sage, rosemary, cilantro and parsley. And don't ever forget green onions. They are the foundation and the sprinkling on top of all of my savory dishes. And yes, Pinterest, they do grow w/out soil in water, directly from the cuttings you were going to throw away. They last for months and you can extend a 99 cent grocery buy for 6 months+ that way.

I make a mean pico de gallo, guacamole, and a tangy vinaigrette. The former 2 of course are heavy on the herbs and lemon, but the vinaigrette to try: braggs apple cider vinegar, olive oil, fresh parsley and green onion, pepper and lemon. Maybe some citrus salt if you have it;)

My stir-fry sauce tastes equally delicious on spaghetti: Butter, garlic, brown sugar, shoyu, green onion.

My poor-man's spaghetti sauce will bring you to your knees for about a $1 per serving: butter, onion, crushed tomatoes.

So when it came time to whip up a lasagna with barely any lasagna ingredients - I got creative and crafty:

Me: Hm, I have all these lasagna noodles for when I was going to do a Pinterest recipe for this and that lasagna but never did.... and now all this talk about lasagna has me feeling like Garfield.

Also Me: What do we have in the fridge/pantry that we can use to make this mythical lasagna?

Me Again: Hm, all we have is whole wheat lasagna, poor-man's sauce, some pumpkin puree (made with stewed onions, lemon thyme, basil, ginger and garlic), some old-ass goat cheese I'm scared to look at but really should use or throw away, random walnuts.

Inspired Me: Layer, layer, layer. Wow. This isn't half bad. In fact, this is FREAKIN FANTASTIC!!!! I should write this down and actually repeat this it's so good!! It tasted exactly like something you would get at a local organic cafe or fancy restaurant.

Of course, I didn't write it down and of COURSE I didn't take a picture. But what I'm trying to express is that you don't need a recipe to churn out good-tasting food. You just need a can-do attitude and an idea of where you're going flavor-wise. Experimenting is not only fun, but it's essential to the process. Taste-test everything. That's how I knew that ginger and thyme were the perfect addition to the pumpkin puree. That's how I knew that the walnuts (toasted, for an increasingly dramatic gourmet flavor) would set it off entirely onto a new level. I just tried it and tried it until it worked. Experience is an amazing teacher.

happy heartbeats,
GG

New Year, New New, WITH PICS!!

Remember way way back in the day when I would post my never-ending to-do list?? Check this out:

COOP:

1. Plumber to fix kitchen sink and bathtub CHANGE to Bathfitter October 13th (done)

2. Electrician to fix outlet in living room (done)

-Move kitchen cabinets to Left Side CHANGE to add base and upper cabinet in left corner October 13th b/t 3:30-6 and flip refrigerator (done)

-Remove tile from bathroom walls CHANGE to Bathfitter October 14th (done)

Plasterer to fix walls in all rooms (done)

4. Sheet vinyl for bathroom and kitchen floor CHANGE to vinyl tile in bathroom (OCTOBER 9th, ebay)and kitchen (need propane or dry ice)//CHANGED TO REMOVE VINYL TILES FROM KITCHEN FLOOR (DONE) AND REFINISH SUBFLOOR W/PAINT OR STAIN AND POLY...

5. Countertop for kitchen - 6 foot and 8 foot installed CHANGE TO PAINT CABINETS & ADD BUTCHER BLOCK COUNTERS -Strip window and door in bathroom(done)

-cut counter for sink and for stove island & install (done)

6. Paint trim (satin) and halls (linen) and Kitchen (Linen) (done)

-Faux glaze paint over patches (done)

ADD to get painters to paint entire apartment (done)

-Paint Bathroom window and touch up radiator with rustoleum satin white (done)

7. Replace toilet to 12 inch. model (done)

8. Spray range, hood and fridge (done) Change to Replace Fridge (Done)9. Install hardware in kitchen (done)
10. Replace Bathroom Vanity Light (purchased)//finished 12/30 (done!!)

11. Replace Bathroom Vanity Mirror
12. Hang Desk area shelf from CB2 (purchased 12/11), framed collage walls
13. Hang Windows in dining area (flanking)
14. Hang circular ceiling pendant over dining area

Lakehouse - SOLD! (September 2011)

Condo - MOVED OUT! (March 2010)


I just added 10 - 14 yesterday! Because I can actually cross things off and add things now that I am dealing with one single home.

I have the luxury of taking my sweet time, or rushing straight through, any project I desire. I ripped out the old vanity lights (Miss Piggy Bulb Strip) in such a hurry that I started to second guess myself and panic about being able to use the existing lightbox (the fixture holder thing inside the walls of my 1920's apartment building, or at least that's what I'm calling it) with the newer fixture. In fact, I mentally resigned when I couldn't find the relevant anatomy that the light fixture's instructions were referring to.

I actually put the light (beautiful, beautiful schoolhouse era repro light) back in the box and thought to myself, "Welp! Guess I'll just have to hire an electrician! It will cost maybe $50, this whole experiment will then total to $200, I got $100 in Christmas gifts, so that makes it a total of $100 well spent for a professional-install... hmm..."

Then. I thought about it. Hard. Thought some more. I took a flashlight to the joint. I angled it around. There just had to be a way. I literally noodled it through my brain. There may or may not have been a lightbulb crackling over my noggin toward the end of my meditation.

Hey there, that thing, isn't that a screw? Ancient, rusted and decrepit, yes. But screwed into the old light fixture box just like in the installation illustration just the same. (btw this light is supposed to take 10 minutes to install according to the instruction pamphlet. Yes, if you are working with a normal light box, which of course we are not. This took me no less than 1 hour to install and involved numerous head scratches and steps up and down the step ladder.)

So if I just use these screw holes like they suggest in the pamphlet, rig and wrangle (and electrical tape the crap out of) these old fabric-covered copper wires and pray they don't touch each other when I shove them back into the wall (not an easy task, let me just remind myself), add some washers to the light fixture because there was a gap somewhere there shouldn't have been, patch these old fixture holes in the wall and... voila!

PS I didn't take any pictures of the process b/c I was so hyper-focused. This is where training the cat to play a photog for the papparazz would come in handy for the future, amiright?

So the light fixture is IN! And it's GORGEOUS!! And it took a lot of determination, focus, and stick-to-it-ed-ness that only I could provide for myself. I pictured the end result and kept moving toward that goal. I wanted to show off my finished product to the peeps who helped finance it (Thanks, Bob and Mickey!!) and I wanted to begin the process of making this house, my one and only, HOME.

Lessons learned: It's okay to dive into a project as long as you are motivated to get through it by any means necessary. It helps to have a ton of extra supplies lying around such as electrical tape, scissors, a hammer, tape measure, level, spackle, spackle knife, random screws, washers and bolts - just in case the things provided w/the fixture are not sufficient (although I was pleasantly surprised by everything provided with this Shades of Light fixture).


And now - for the less-than-stellar iPhone pics that I did take:

Before (um, where is that random picture I have of the hole in the wall behind the previous light fixture?! still to come...):


After (sort of, I have since spackled the area and it looks much better, still needs touch up paint though):




PPS - After reading about my long-time internet mentor/guru/girl crush's life, I've realized that I need to document all of the many thousands of things I've been doing to improve my life quality over the past 2 years - from painting (for fun!) to cooking (for fun!) to getting a cat (the love of my life) to getting WORMS (the thousand loves of my life) to getting online and dating and falling in love... all of these things AND MORE. Soon come. And also... (hopefully) ... MORE PICTURES.

love and heartbeats,
GG